Background info and Finding out we were pregnant

When I was pregnant with both Chloe and Caitlyn I told pretty much everyone right away as soon as we found out – best friends, family, small group, then the world.  I have always found out early on in my pregnancies. With Chloe, I was 4 weeks when I found out because we were doing FSH shots, Metformin and Clomid to get pregnant. I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) which means I don’t ovulate regularly. With Caitlyn, I was 5 weeks when I found out. I was craving the same things I did in my first trimester with Chloe – anything with vinegar in it, pickles, mustard, potato salad, and other things. Caitlyn was very much a surprise because we assumed, that when we were ready to have another baby that we would go back to the RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) to restart medications, shots and if needed necessary procedures.
Earlier this year, I felt God impressing upon me that He wanted us to be willing to have as many kids as He wants to bless us with, which either meant we were done having kids or that there would be more kids to come. I knew that it had come from God and not myself because I am definitely not one of those women who LOVE being pregnant. My body doesn’t like being pregnant, it rebels. If I could boil pregnancy down to 5things and have it not take 40 weeks I would be ecstatic. 1. Finding out we are pregnant 2. Telling others 3. Feeling the baby move for the first time 4.finding out the gender 5. Having the baby (not the actual labor itself but the result of having the baby. I realized a few months later that just because God asked us to be willing, it didn’t mean that He was promising that He would bless us with more children. This was a hard realization because I wanted it to be a promise because I didn’t feel like we were “done” yet. We stopped prevention methods back in August of last year. I will also not go back on any type of birth control because it messes with my hormones too much and it makes trying to get pregnant when we are ready much harder. I know that this may not be understood or agreed with by many but it is a choice that my husband and I have made and it is our choice to make. I believe that God doesn’t give us any more than we can handle even when it feels overwhelming. So I am literally an open vessel. 
I found out that I was pregnant when I was only 2 weeks and 4 days along. I was feeling very exhausted, even more than usual as I am a mother of 2 very active toddler girls Chloe 2 ½ and Caitlyn 1 ½. I went to my primary care doctor in May and she ran a thyroid level test and a pregnancy test. My husband Robert was convinced that I was pregnant so I had asked the dr to run the pregnancy test even though I was so sure it would come back negative. Well my thyroid levels came back slightly elevated and I was pregnant! I was kind of in shock and not sure whether it was the right time to have another baby. We were trying but not really very aggressively. I was in the process of losing weight and wanted to get down to a lower weight before getting pregnant so that I might have an easier pregnancy. My goal had been to get down to a specific weight and then aggressively try to get pregnant. Pregnancy is pretty hard on my body, my whole body aches severely throughout the whole pregnancy. I did want this baby although at times I felt overwhelmed not sure I could handle another baby, especially with 2 toddlers. But I realized that if God had blessed us with a pregnancy that I was able to handle it.
We decided that this time we would wait to tell the general population as there had been many miscarriages over the last few years in the Living Stones Community (the service we attend, Living Stones is a ministry of Grace Church in Reno, NV). Some people knew that we were trying or at least that we were open to the possibility. Since we weren’t telling a lot of people, when they would ask what was new or even point blank ask, I would say that it would happen in God’s timing. I felt bad for not telling the truth but I wasn’t quite ready to have everyone know. I told one of my best friends, Sarah the day after we found out. Then at church the following day, I pulled aside another best friend, Lisa and kind of whispered, ok I’m going to tell you something but I need you to stay calm. I can only imagine what she was thinking I would say next. I told my friend George because he also is in charge of the ministry heads of Living Stones, I’m currently the ministry head of the book store for Living Stones. When I was pregnant with Chloe, I was a ministry head of another ministry at Living Stones. Within a month or two of that pregnancy, I dropped out of the ministry and became very sporadic in my attendance of church and small group (bible study) because I was tired, sore, and pregnant – I didn’t realize that life didn’t really need to stop when I was pregnant. When pregnant with Caitlyn, I again became very sporadic in my attendance of church and small group. I didn’t want to start the cycle of being sporadic again and so I knew I needed accountability. The following week, I told my small group and even gave them all Pregnancy Prayer cards that I had written with ways they could specifically pray for this pregnancy complete with physical, emotional and financial needs. I slowly told other women that I am close to but we hadn’t yet told family because we were going to be visiting in less than a month and we wanted to tell them in person for at least one pregnancy.
My primary care doctor wanted to repeat the thyroid and pregnancy tests a week later to make sure that the thyroid levels were going down and the HCG (human chorionic gonadatropin) levels were increasing, indicating a healthy pregnancy. My thyroid levels went back down to normal range and my HCG levels had gone from approximately 4000 to 11000 which is good but not great. HCG levels should double every 72 hours, but they don’t always with everyone so at this point I wasn’t worried.
I went to see my ob/gyn 2 weeks later so that they could confirm the pregnancy with an ultrasound. Also I wanted to find out how far along I was because my LMP (last menstrual period) was March 5 ( I had skipped April) and I definitely knew that I wasn’t 10 or 11 weeks along because my body didn’t feel that far along. The R.N. at the ob/gyn office did my internal ultrasound and could see a gestational sac but no embryo. She said that I was measuring 5 weeks along. I had them print me a picture anyways so even if things went horribly wrong I would have some type of picture of my baby. I talked with my ob and he said that based on my hcg levels, they should at least be able to see an embryo even if there was not yet a heart beat because usually with an hcg of 2000 an embryo can be seen. He said that it didn’t look good but that there was still a possibility that everything was okay and it was just too early to see the embryo or even that my levels could be so high it could be twins. He sent me to get another hcg level and told me to come back in a week for a follow up ultrasound. My hcg this time was only 13000 almost 14000. My nurse said that it didn’t look good but there was still a possibility that everything was fine.
I went to small group that night and just cried my eyes out. My friends prayed with me and just hugged me trying to comfort me in any way that they could. Due to vacations and work schedules only 4 of us were at group that night and since it was a very weighty study on Titus 3, the small group leaders had already decided to postpone it til the following week to give them more time to really dig deep into it as well as wait until many of the girls would be able to attend. We just had a low key hang out night which is exactly what I needed. We walked to a store and bought ice cream, ice cream doesn’t make everything better but it certainly helps.
That weekend, I was helping at the MOPs (Mothers of Preschoolers) garage sale. I talked to some of the other moms and found out about other women who had the same thing happen with their ultrasounds where they couldn’t see an embryo and were told to expect the worst but then they went back a week or two later and they were able to see an embryo, heard a heartbeat, and went on to have a healthy baby. After I heard this, I had hope again that everything was going to turn out fine and that the same thing would happen to me.
Eight days after my ultrasound, we went back in for the follow up ultrasound. The gestational sac had grown and now there was also a yolk sac which was progress but still no embryo. However the baby was only measuring at 5 weeks 3 days although it had been over a week. I convinced myself that the first calculation was wrong and that everything was fine. The tech said that we could be cautiously optimistic. I again asked for a picture. The dr sent me to repeat the hcg which went up to about 14000 which was not very much progress at all. He asked me to come back in 10 days but I was going to be out of town and so they scheduled another ultrasound for 2 weeks later, which would give us a definitive answer one way or the other about whether the pregnancy was progressing and would continue or whether it was ending.
We went to visit family and told our parents and siblings that we were expecting. There was a lot of shock since our youngest was only 19 months old. It was weird for me because I was expecting the same reaction from our family as from our friends who immediately would hug and congratulate me so happy for us. I think that our family was just concerned about our finances especially in this economic climate. It could also be that some of the ways we told them came out a little suddenly and awkwardly. I was kind of surprised at the shock and some of the careless comments because we had told them that we were planning on having four kids. I realized later that we hadn’t yet told them that God had impressed upon us that He wanted us to have as many kids as He wanted to bless us with.