Simultaneously Opposite

today i'm simultaneously wanting to immerse myself in the grief and pain our loss so can work through it and heal yet I want to completely run away from it hide in bed all day doing nothing.

I feel like i have to be strong for my kids, putting on a happy face while we make breakfast and sing songs but inside I am hurting, I feel crushed and really low.

Today is one of those days that I wonder how in the world I am going to get through it in one piece. The answer is Jesus but honestly I don't want to reach out for Him right now, even though I know that His strength will get me through. Why is that? It is like not taking medicine that you KNOW will make you feel better.

I am really looking forward to Communion tonight and then a girls night with friends but I may not be able to go due to our car being broken. :-(