Walls

I feel like there are walls starting to be built these last few days. Around my heart, around my mind, around my tears. I want to grieve, I want to cry, I want to remember. I just feel like so much of the time I keep telling myself, not now I have responsibilities, not now it isn't the right time/place, not now I'm not strong enough.

I feel like there are invisible walls between me and my husband, my kids, my friends & family. I so desperately want them to come in but I also understand that they don't know what to say. It's okay to say just that you don't know what to say or even just I'm sorry. I want to say it is okay for me to not be okay. It is okay for me to cry, it is healing and such a release of emotion that it is healthy. Talking about my lost baby is fine, it does help. I understand that it is hard to mourn and grieve for someone who you have no memories with, no face to linger in your mind...it's hard for me too! Although I never saw this baby, he/she was a life, they are forever a piece of our history, although a much smaller piece than we would have liked.

Lord please remove these walls within, in your timing so that I may feel and grieve yet not be overwhelmed with the emotions. Please provide opportunites and moments that are "safe" to let myself cry. Please remove the walls (invisible or not) between others and myself. Thank you for the support and love of my friends during this time. In your name, Amen.